I don’t do well with extremes (my drinking problem is proof of that).
This past week has been one of extremes for me: I started a new job that requires that I am on my feet all day (my previous position was in front of a computer)…I spend nearly all of my working hours supporting children- and, energetically, they are demanding (my previous job required very little energetic output)…and I’m housesitting for friends, which means I’m out of my daily routine (clothes in two places…dogs who are confused and out-of-sorts, etc.)…
Most disorienting? I put my recovery on the back burner.
Over the past seven days, I haven’t been getting to AA meetings (and those meetings are my true North). Instead, I’ve been collapsing, lifeless, on the couch after work. Honestly, I’ve been exhausted. My body isn’t used to the physical and energetic demands of working with elementary-age kiddos. And, believe me, they aren’t shy to tell you what they need, want or expect (and that’s a good thing!).
I’ve been completely off-balance this past week. I feel like I’m in an episode of the Twilight Zone while I’m awake…and then, while I sleep, I’ve been dreaming about unusual things: making spiritual treks to see the northern lights…having detailed conversations with my friend Tom who passed away many years ago…It’s been an interesting week.
Do you ever have such periods? Ones of complete disorientation?
I want- and need– to regain direction and balance. It’s time to get into a rhythm. In order to morph with the craziness of each day, I need to do two things:
(1) Set- and adhere to- a workable schedule of AA meetings.
(2) Honor, rather than admonish, myself when I am too exhausted to do so.
It’s a fine line between holding ourselves accountable and giving ourselves leeway when needed.
I swore to myself that I would write about my experience in recovery every day for one year. Consistent writing simply didn’t happened this past week. And, I’m okay with that. During the first week of school/work, I had no energy to put into writing. What I genuinely needed was rest.
So, now, I’m working on recovering balance, and managing my energy, so that I can show up 100% for kiddos, recharge when needed, and stay true to my word and commitments.
It kind of feels like walking a tight rope. Can anyone give me lessons?